Saturday, September 12, 2009

Vic on Propofol?

It's nearly 48 hours since Vic's latest surgical intervention. Yesterday, he was full of hope & nervous energy. Having had both a breathing tube as well as an endoscope stuck down him, the soreness of the throat tended to eclipse whether the dilation had worked or not.

He certainly had appetite & ate small ravioli, pbj, nuts, eggs, oddly Doritos which did not irritate ...

When taking one of his nightly capsules in the kitchen while I was outside, he choked so badly, the capsules began foaming out of his mouth, he could neither breathe nor swallow water to force the pill down ...

New house rule: no taking of any medications without having the physical presence of Nurse Mildred Ratched right there, beside patient. The making of eye contact during this new edict as well as the verbal acknowledgement of same was required by stubborn & petulant Victor McMurphy.

Actually, we had a huge "duh" moment this afternoon. Vic had a webconference with one of his VA doctors who posed the very obvious question: "Why aren't you on liquid medications now?"

Jaw dropping moment there. "Why not indeed?"

She immediately ordered all the prescriptions changed & sent priotity.

That was really excellent Martha Stewart "good thing".

No doubt, Vic has reached a very serious stage in his 4 years 11 month fight. His esophagus will begin to close up again. They will not be able to continue the procedures due to his instant inability to breathe during surgery.

This we have been told.

I really do HATE the way some doctors go right to the worst case scenario without a touch of sugar icing thrown in to hide the bitter taste of crushed pills ... the anaestesiologist was quite munificent in his casual anticipation of Vic instantly crashing when sedated, having to flip him over, letting us know there was no antedote to the light anaestetic he would administer ... Vic would have to come out of it himself as no drug can reverse it ... come to find later when I was reading the full report, that drug was Michael Jackson's "milk" - Propofol!

It was the first time I really got scared that it would not be the cancer that would kill him. That there was a really good possibility he could die right there on the table. That day. Thursday September 10 before noon.

Saying "good bye" required a little more sucking in of feelings, an extra squeeze & more confident thumbs up.

Look, it's like this. The tumors are spreading. The chemo, albeit possibly slowing some growth down, has failed in stopping it altogether. The radiation has caused terrible, terrible damage which will continue with time.

He is scheduled for a feeding tube in two weeks. I hope the dilation lasts that long this time.

Yesterday, on my way to school, my mind was simply overcome & overwhelmed by this very unexpected turn of events.

I thought it would be tumors that would be his worst enemies.

Turns out it was the slash-and-burn treatment(s) that won the battles but not the war ...

Neither of us know what to expect & until we meet with the oncologist on the 21st, will just have to put any questions aside.

It is nearly 5 years ago (September 16, 2004) that Vic underwent the emergency appendectomy that changed his & all of our lives ... it has gone by so fast ...

That's life.

Carpe diem.


  1. Hello. I came over from Linda at Lime in the Coconut, and so happy that I did. I am so very sorry for Vic's cancer and what you are facing now in life. Lifting you up in prayer, never ceasing...Love, Deb

  2. i too came over from linda's... i will keep vic and all of you in my prayers... i am so sorry hon, that you all are going through this. it's not fair, or right... the worst things happen to the beautifulest of people. it makes me want to scream.. my heart is heavy with sorrow for your family.
    god has his hands around each of you.