Mutterings & musings from the manically morphing mind of an estrogen deficient, menopausal, modern matriarch.
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Elliot
LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?
And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. . . . .
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.
I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
The Big "M"
When I think "migraine", I think "thank you, that I don't have one." Or "oh crap, here it comes ... can I head it off at the path? (no pun intended. Maybe a small one).
I do so envy those who do not suffer from it & empathize with other "migraineurs" as we are communally known.
My triggers tend to be hormones, weather changes but most frequent of all, S-T-R-E-S-S.
My body's knee jerk reaction to acute stress is that I can experience a panic/anxiety attack which includes bad stomach cramps & worst of all, can lead to ... migraines.
Thursday had me react to some difficult, unexpected news dealing culminating in a sudden, violent eruption - the Krakatoa of a lifetime of migraines. I should remember the date, it was that monumental. Any bodily movement results in nausea. Nausea can result in vomiting. Vomiting makes my head feel like the grey matter inside my skull wants to explode out, like a giant, cranial zit.
Blast off!
Sumavel Dose Pro to the rescue. My doctor gave Corey a needle-less shot of a new drug for severe migraine & cluster headaches. Straight out of Star Trek. Cool. Got to get me some stock in that company ...
Within half an hour, I was asleep. 3 hours later, I woke up, shaken & stirred yet better.
I really need to master my stress. Make that "mistress" my stress.
Either way, 3 days later & I no longer feel like wrung-out. Whew.
I do so envy those who do not suffer from it & empathize with other "migraineurs" as we are communally known.
My triggers tend to be hormones, weather changes but most frequent of all, S-T-R-E-S-S.
My body's knee jerk reaction to acute stress is that I can experience a panic/anxiety attack which includes bad stomach cramps & worst of all, can lead to ... migraines.
Thursday had me react to some difficult, unexpected news dealing culminating in a sudden, violent eruption - the Krakatoa of a lifetime of migraines. I should remember the date, it was that monumental. Any bodily movement results in nausea. Nausea can result in vomiting. Vomiting makes my head feel like the grey matter inside my skull wants to explode out, like a giant, cranial zit.
Blast off!
Sumavel Dose Pro to the rescue. My doctor gave Corey a needle-less shot of a new drug for severe migraine & cluster headaches. Straight out of Star Trek. Cool. Got to get me some stock in that company ...
Within half an hour, I was asleep. 3 hours later, I woke up, shaken & stirred yet better.
I really need to master my stress. Make that "mistress" my stress.
Either way, 3 days later & I no longer feel like wrung-out. Whew.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Harry Houdini finally drops-in
From Coast to Coast radio.
The Spirit World:
Professor at the University of Arizona, Dr. Gary Schwartz, discussed his latest research on quantifying the spirit world including contacting the dead in the laboratory, and expanding on the work of Harry Houdini. An advocate for science or evidence-based spirituality, he suggested that Spirit could be thought of like air or water, something that is all around us. Science is now creating technology to detect the tiniest amounts of energy-- such as single photons, and these new instruments have the promise to detect spirits on the Other Side, he declared.
He used such a device (a silicon photomultiplier) in an experiment making contact with the late Harry Houdini, and found that the number of photon detections measured much higher when he made a direct contact request from Houdini. Interestingly, he noted that one of his contacts, the deceased medium Suzy Smith, was the first to bring Houdini to one of his experiments, and that other spirits known as "drop-ins" started spontaneously showing up.
Schwartz recounted how a living medium received an accurate warning from Smith that he was about to be "ambushed" on a TV talk show, which helped him to prepare. He also talked about angels, and spirit guides, who can serve as messengers, and the role of Spirit in physical and emotional healing. He has set up a new site, Sacred Promise Universe, which will feature his free video lectures on various aspects of Spirit.The Spirit World:
On Tuesday's show, Professor at the University of Arizona, Dr. Gary Schwartz, discussed his latest research on quantifying the spirit world including contacting the dead in the laboratory, and expanding on the work of Harry Houdini. An advocate for science or evidence-based spirituality, he suggested that Spirit could be thought of like air or water, something that is all around us. Science is now creating technology to detect the tiniest amounts of energy-- such as single photons, and these new instruments have the promise to detect spirits on the Other Side, he declared.
He used such a device (a silicon photomultiplier) in an experiment making contact with the late Harry Houdini, and found that the number of photon detections measured much higher when he made a direct contact request from Houdini. Interestingly, he noted that one of his contacts, the deceased medium Suzy Smith, was the first to bring Houdini to one of his experiments, and that other spirits known as "drop-ins" started spontaneously showing up.
Schwartz recounted how a living medium received an accurate warning from Smith that he was about to be "ambushed" on a TV talk show, which helped him to prepare. He also talked about angels, and spirit guides, who can serve as messengers, and the role of Spirit in physical and emotional healing. He has set up a new site, Sacred Promise Universe, which will feature his free video lectures on various aspects of Spirit.
http://sacredpromiseuniverse.com/
The Spirit World:
Professor at the University of Arizona, Dr. Gary Schwartz, discussed his latest research on quantifying the spirit world including contacting the dead in the laboratory, and expanding on the work of Harry Houdini. An advocate for science or evidence-based spirituality, he suggested that Spirit could be thought of like air or water, something that is all around us. Science is now creating technology to detect the tiniest amounts of energy-- such as single photons, and these new instruments have the promise to detect spirits on the Other Side, he declared.
He used such a device (a silicon photomultiplier) in an experiment making contact with the late Harry Houdini, and found that the number of photon detections measured much higher when he made a direct contact request from Houdini. Interestingly, he noted that one of his contacts, the deceased medium Suzy Smith, was the first to bring Houdini to one of his experiments, and that other spirits known as "drop-ins" started spontaneously showing up.
Schwartz recounted how a living medium received an accurate warning from Smith that he was about to be "ambushed" on a TV talk show, which helped him to prepare. He also talked about angels, and spirit guides, who can serve as messengers, and the role of Spirit in physical and emotional healing. He has set up a new site, Sacred Promise Universe, which will feature his free video lectures on various aspects of Spirit.The Spirit World:
On Tuesday's show, Professor at the University of Arizona, Dr. Gary Schwartz, discussed his latest research on quantifying the spirit world including contacting the dead in the laboratory, and expanding on the work of Harry Houdini. An advocate for science or evidence-based spirituality, he suggested that Spirit could be thought of like air or water, something that is all around us. Science is now creating technology to detect the tiniest amounts of energy-- such as single photons, and these new instruments have the promise to detect spirits on the Other Side, he declared.
He used such a device (a silicon photomultiplier) in an experiment making contact with the late Harry Houdini, and found that the number of photon detections measured much higher when he made a direct contact request from Houdini. Interestingly, he noted that one of his contacts, the deceased medium Suzy Smith, was the first to bring Houdini to one of his experiments, and that other spirits known as "drop-ins" started spontaneously showing up.
Schwartz recounted how a living medium received an accurate warning from Smith that he was about to be "ambushed" on a TV talk show, which helped him to prepare. He also talked about angels, and spirit guides, who can serve as messengers, and the role of Spirit in physical and emotional healing. He has set up a new site, Sacred Promise Universe, which will feature his free video lectures on various aspects of Spirit.
http://sacredpromiseuniverse.com/
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Larry David never leaves home without this!
Some people might think that perhaps I should follow suite. Consider the following scenario ...
I piss you off. You give me the look. I whip out one of these. You fill in alledged "infraction" box.
I will give your request due consideration. I fill in appropriate box & that's that.
What say you?
I piss you off. You give me the look. I whip out one of these. You fill in alledged "infraction" box.
I will give your request due consideration. I fill in appropriate box & that's that.
What say you?
I taught I saw a puddy cat ...
... nestled amongst the halyconias, prior to the great frost of 2010-11
A little bit closer now ...
"I did, I taw a puddy cat, as plain as it could be!"
Quite a beauty.
A little bit closer now ...
"I did, I taw a puddy cat, as plain as it could be!"
Quite a beauty.
Another Richard Gould original
I adore Richard's work. A friend of Corey's since 3rd grade, Richard has always had an incredible eye for proportion, clean lines & vibrant colors of innocence.
His work just makes me feel happy. So happy.
His work just makes me feel happy. So happy.
Monday, January 10, 2011
"Saturday, in the park, I wish it was the 4th of July ... "
Hanging out the Vero Beach museum, we happened upon these two guys sitting in the garden, deeply engrossed in conversation ...
"'Allo, darling!"
Maybe this one is a little warmer.
I just can't choose ...
"'Allo, darling!"
Maybe this one is a little warmer.
I just can't choose ...
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Doobie Brothers - here we come!
Guess who's got her tix??? Sooo excited. Last time I saw them was at the Hollywood (FL), Sportatorium, 1980. I had just moved to Florida. A thick, pungent cloud hung over the entire audience & my started husband humiliated me by using earplugs! Minute by Minute just came out. 31 yrs later, I'm taking my 19, 18 & 15 yr olds ...
Sunrise Theatre Presents Doobie Brothers
From Facebook ...
Claudia Balint, Robert Sas and Ron Roberts like this.
Nicky McAllister Fabulous, Vicar!!!!
Kerry Stone Henderson seriously...you got me a ticket, too...right? and is michael mcdonald gonna be there? he doesn't hang with them too often...
Nancy Johnson Riley That same cloud will be there!!! They are incredible.. still .. after all these years! Take me in your arms and ROCK me baby!!!
Angie Mantell-Smith SOOOO jealous have a great time!!!! :)
Marcy Frishman Purdy Count me in for another fun night in Ft. Pierce!!! Doobie do!!
Kerry Stone Henderson He came from somewhere back in her long ago..sentimental fool lalala
Karen Mantell ... minute by minute by minute by minute, I keep holding on ...
e
Susan Judd Ridlen Saw the Doobies in around '77. Monroe, La. I think I was in the 8th grade.
Karen Mantell Wee baby. Check out their site - looks more like an ad for Paul Mitchell hair products, as they John Wayne-style walk into fans, hair a-blowin' in the wind. Still, I can't wait ... "take me in your arms, rock me, rock me a little while .. "
Sunrise Theatre Presents Doobie Brothers
From Facebook ...
Claudia Balint, Robert Sas and Ron Roberts like this.
Nicky McAllister Fabulous, Vicar!!!!
Kerry Stone Henderson seriously...you got me a ticket, too...right? and is michael mcdonald gonna be there? he doesn't hang with them too often...
Nancy Johnson Riley That same cloud will be there!!! They are incredible.. still .. after all these years! Take me in your arms and ROCK me baby!!!
Angie Mantell-Smith SOOOO jealous have a great time!!!! :)
Marcy Frishman Purdy Count me in for another fun night in Ft. Pierce!!! Doobie do!!
Kerry Stone Henderson He came from somewhere back in her long ago..sentimental fool lalala
Karen Mantell ... minute by minute by minute by minute, I keep holding on ...
e
Susan Judd Ridlen Saw the Doobies in around '77. Monroe, La. I think I was in the 8th grade.
Karen Mantell Wee baby. Check out their site - looks more like an ad for Paul Mitchell hair products, as they John Wayne-style walk into fans, hair a-blowin' in the wind. Still, I can't wait ... "take me in your arms, rock me, rock me a little while .. "
Sunday night menu
My close friends & I are mad about food. Both the preparation as well as the eating. 2 of them actually speak in a shorthand of recipes.
We like to share & add our own touches.
Having said that: dinner tonight, chez nous.
Vegitarians: tune out. Carnivores, you'll love this.
Grilled, well seasoned sirloin, steamed kale au garlic & onions, potatoes avec (un peu de) butter & beaucoup of dill, qu'el que edamame & we're off.
After dinner, will take duly satiated family into hot tub under-the-stars for another of Mommy's more regular Sunday night sermons.
Oy, how they love it! Oy, how they groan & protest. Oy, how the side of me that would rather not hear is longing to give in.
No, I am committed to holding my ground, shaky as it may be at times.
Maybe half a xanax will soften the proverbial verbal attacks which usually ensue.
Key for my success lies in just not taking the bait. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Remind myself as the punks proceed to list all my shortcomings as a parent, "Who's got the power?"
Yep. That would be little, getting older me.
Cue Gary Glitter "Rock 'n' Roll"
We like to share & add our own touches.
Having said that: dinner tonight, chez nous.
Vegitarians: tune out. Carnivores, you'll love this.
Grilled, well seasoned sirloin, steamed kale au garlic & onions, potatoes avec (un peu de) butter & beaucoup of dill, qu'el que edamame & we're off.
After dinner, will take duly satiated family into hot tub under-the-stars for another of Mommy's more regular Sunday night sermons.
Oy, how they love it! Oy, how they groan & protest. Oy, how the side of me that would rather not hear is longing to give in.
No, I am committed to holding my ground, shaky as it may be at times.
Maybe half a xanax will soften the proverbial verbal attacks which usually ensue.
Key for my success lies in just not taking the bait. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Remind myself as the punks proceed to list all my shortcomings as a parent, "Who's got the power?"
Yep. That would be little, getting older me.
Cue Gary Glitter "Rock 'n' Roll"
Saturday, January 8, 2011
New year, new plans
The waxing, crescent moon lays on its back, deep in the western sky. The air is clear & crisp making the stars all the more vibrant.
All would seem to be well.
The new year brings with it unexpected changes. So soon?
Being that life is impermanent & how you handle the transitions, why not then?
Corey returns to the homestead. Determined to make lemonade out of lemons, he will go to our local college, get a job, etc., etc. Get himself on his feet.
Not what had been planned. But as it is said, "man plans, G-d laughs."
Being a parent to 2 end-stage teenage boys is not easy. At all.
They live in a world that is an athema to me. My mind does not work like theirs at all. No way. Jose. I don't get their neurosynaptic connections.
Bla, bla. I am not the first. I will not be the last.
I am just saying, it is not easy but I will not be beaten down.
Cue ... Whitney Houston blasting "I'm every woman!"
All would seem to be well.
The new year brings with it unexpected changes. So soon?
Being that life is impermanent & how you handle the transitions, why not then?
Corey returns to the homestead. Determined to make lemonade out of lemons, he will go to our local college, get a job, etc., etc. Get himself on his feet.
Not what had been planned. But as it is said, "man plans, G-d laughs."
Being a parent to 2 end-stage teenage boys is not easy. At all.
They live in a world that is an athema to me. My mind does not work like theirs at all. No way. Jose. I don't get their neurosynaptic connections.
Bla, bla. I am not the first. I will not be the last.
I am just saying, it is not easy but I will not be beaten down.
Cue ... Whitney Houston blasting "I'm every woman!"
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Back in the day ...
I thought it would be fun to look back on my starter blog ... more garden/nature oriented.
"In a Gadda da Vero" was inspired by the nature that surrounded us during the days of cancer. Vic & I spent as much time as possible outside & I think the love with which that garden was tended, shows.
http://in-a-gadda-da-vero.blogspot.com/
Sadly, since the great freeze of December 2010, the "gadda" is less an explosion of color & more the wind-burned brown.
The year continues to be interesting ... stay tuned to this frequency.
"In a Gadda da Vero" was inspired by the nature that surrounded us during the days of cancer. Vic & I spent as much time as possible outside & I think the love with which that garden was tended, shows.
http://in-a-gadda-da-vero.blogspot.com/
Sadly, since the great freeze of December 2010, the "gadda" is less an explosion of color & more the wind-burned brown.
The year continues to be interesting ... stay tuned to this frequency.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
January 1, 2011
I begin 2011 handing plenipotentiary license of my life into the hands of my higher power.
As simple as that.
As I walk through my current life, I have chosen to accept the support of the angels who push one from behind. They have always been with me.
I have just chosen paths which made their work much harder.
Release & acceptance will be woven into my daily thoughts. After all, just how much control do we have anyway? I am not sure.
I welcome the new experiences that I will encounter for the lessons & gifts of my life.
I am open to relationships that are mutually nourishing, growing, joyful, symbiotic, fun.
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