On partying the season away ...

Oh boy. How do you turn a homebody into a party animal? Ok, forget the animal bit. How do you turn a homebody into a party person?

It is very hard to change but I am trying.

Not working too well. I much prefer the company of a few friends. More intimate. Not comfortable in the crowd of many. Particularly strangers.

I went out for dinner with some friends last night. Nice, cozy, easy.

Then I went onto the annual open house of a very dear friend of mine. I adore her - a soul sister from many lifetimes. She is such an amazing human being, so talented, so generous, so compassionate. I love her & really wanted to make the effort to show up.

I went. Lots of peeps, the house was overflowing with representation of all ages. The house was magnificent. Glorious. Linda has such an incredible sense of style. The garden was all illuminated, totally magnificent. Totally rivaled our local botanical gardens on Christmas display.

I really wanted to "belong" and luckily I saw a couple of my close friends.

For a few minutes, I felt safe, ok. They had to leave and there I was. Alone. Alone in the crowd.

Couples everywhere. Holding hands. Laughing. Hugging. Kissing.

I miss Vic so much. Who holds my hand? Who hugs me? Who kisses me?

It's two years and somehow, it is not getting easier.

I never, ever expected that Vic's passing would push me deep, deep underground.

I am still there, surfacing every so often but the world looks very formidable from my vantage view ...

Still giving it a good shot, even if I did slip away from Linda & Ron's fest quietly into the dark night ...