Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Humor me! Please.

Something is in retrograde. Something is off or amiss. Or something may be right on.

It's all too confusing.

I get so frustrated with myself & the outside world. There is an expectation that surrounds me ... "it's so boring without you..".

Entertain. Amuse. Regale.

Yet who steps up to the plate to make me smile? Who volunteers to make things unboring around me?

Vic's mother once said that I could not save the world.

That always befuddled me. Then I had to remember the source of the comment: at age 17, all Mantell children had, HAD to leave home. As in kicked out. As in "enlist & get out." and don't let the door hit you in the ass, either!

There's some serious karma waiting there. I guess losing 2 out of your 5 children might be considered rough enough.

According to Judaism, he (or she!) who saves one person, saves the whole world.

That sits much better with me.

I don't usually ask for things from my friends & confidantes. I am always grateful for any consideration I get.

But I really can't bear to carry the mantle of entertainer when I am just feeling well, sad. A deep sadness.

As the song says:

"I don't mind the quiet
or the lonely nights.
I don't miss the funky attitudes
& I don't miss the fights.

But sometimes out of the corner of my eye,
I see that adorable ghost
That's when I remember
The things I miss the most.

The talk
The sex
Somebody to trust ... "

The start & close of each day is the same: an empty space.

And silence.

No one to talk to.

No sex (what's that???)

Who to trust but myself?

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