Humor me! Please.

Something is in retrograde. Something is off or amiss. Or something may be right on.

It's all too confusing.

I get so frustrated with myself & the outside world. There is an expectation that surrounds me ... "it's so boring without you..".

Entertain. Amuse. Regale.

Yet who steps up to the plate to make me smile? Who volunteers to make things unboring around me?

Vic's mother once said that I could not save the world.

That always befuddled me. Then I had to remember the source of the comment: at age 17, all Mantell children had, HAD to leave home. As in kicked out. As in "enlist & get out." and don't let the door hit you in the ass, either!

There's some serious karma waiting there. I guess losing 2 out of your 5 children might be considered rough enough.

According to Judaism, he (or she!) who saves one person, saves the whole world.

That sits much better with me.

I don't usually ask for things from my friends & confidantes. I am always grateful for any consideration I get.

But I really can't bear to carry the mantle of entertainer when I am just feeling well, sad. A deep sadness.

As the song says:

"I don't mind the quiet
or the lonely nights.
I don't miss the funky attitudes
& I don't miss the fights.

But sometimes out of the corner of my eye,
I see that adorable ghost
That's when I remember
The things I miss the most.

The talk
The sex
Somebody to trust ... "

The start & close of each day is the same: an empty space.

And silence.

No one to talk to.

No sex (what's that???)

Who to trust but myself?

Transitioning ...

I remember watching a British version of "The Apprentice" about 2 years ago while visiting my Mother & Peter. One of the challenges issued by the host, the Sir Alan Sugar, a self-made nice-Jewish-boy-from-the-East-End-of-London was for the team to come up with a line of greeting cards.

One of the groups were inspired to pick February 13th. The Loneliest Day.

How totally ridiculous is that? A Hallmark line of cards, lauding the day before Valentine's as, well, basically something akin to Eleanor Rigby!

Pshaw! What a load of rubbish.

Fast forward to January 13, 2010. Here I am the day pre-Valentine's - the dread Loneliest Day of the Year.

Am I sad? Am I bothered?

An afternoon spent with an insane group of adults, all participants in Vero Beach's First Annual Olympiad was the best box of chocolates & roses imaginable.

Nothing better than grown ups being silly. Mad grapefruit & spoon races. Grass skiing & citrus toss. Hammer throwing (I got a Silver for that!).

Our Olympics included the brining in of the Olympic flag, followed by the torch carried by toga sporting Grecian goddess who passed the flame on to Eros, I mean Eric who shot the flame into the Olympic firepit!

Foods celebrating the different countries & Olympic trivia made the glorious afternoon.

Vic comes to me in such different ways. The obvious does not trigger me. It is in the most unexpected of times that I get caught unawares.

When I think of Valentine's Day, I remember that I was told every day for 20 years that I was the highlight of Vic's life. Feb 14's just another day ...