Monday, August 31, 2009

How Vic spent his summer

Once every 21 days, down to VA hospital in West Palm Beach, 8th floor.

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What makes for a cancer survivor?


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Sunday, August 30, 2009

"She goes running for the shelter of her mother's little helper ...

G-d has a real sense of humor about Him-Her. I spent the best part of my adult like (20's on) being diagnosed with some form of depression, bipolar, clinical ... all this came with a little piece of white paper upon which was scribbled the likes of lithium, valium, ativan, elavil, etraphon, restoril, halcyon... warm memories of falling asleep with the piece of very dry rye toast,
between my clenched teeth & the unsuspecting inside of a very dry mouth. I clearly remember the voice of my starter husband, his lips close to my ear:

"Karen, chew, chew very slowly. VERY slowly" and like a cow I deliberately masticated it into an unstoppable descent, buoyed along by the glass of milk the wasband kindly offered through a straw.

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None of it really worked. Bandaids of chemical separation. A soft focused curtain of unclarity.

Years, then decades past. I was appropriately hatched, matched & dispatched (Brit classifieds).

3am risings became the norm. A bit more weight than fair considering the extra long walk we took after tapas gigantico. A touch more sensativity. Lethargic fatigue. Volcanic hot flashes. Artic chill down.

Not good.

Enter Estrogen.

Little did I know that my life would change from boo hoo hoo to ooh, la, la within 10 days.

All I ever needed was a schmear of estrogen every day & I just wanted to bake cookies and whistle a happy tune.

"What me worry?" could have been my motto.

A thousand thanks to Allah everynight for the magical cream which makes me feel happy, happy HAPPY.

G-d heards. Started sending down some side effects. And no, not the nice one.


Mean Dr. Lhassie has taken away my nightly smear of bio identical euphoria in a syringe.

I want it back! I love it! It raises my happy!

In the mean time, per Howie Lewis & the News: "I want a new drug, one that just won't quit."

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The bow released the arrow ...

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From the words of Gibran ...

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable".

And from the heart of a Mother ...

The reason that cliches are so, well, cliche is because they just work. Yesterday one era of our family story just slipped into the beginning of a new chapter.

We took Corey to college. It was only 18 short years & 2 weeks ago that he was born.

Yesterday, we watched him walk off into his future amidst a little Tampa drizzle.

Now there are 4 of us at home. A whole new dynamic. A whole new chapter in all our lives.

I remember all those years ago thinking on this day - the day he drove on his own, the day he dated, the day he fell in love - the one which totally suckered me in the gut was the thought of him leaving.

Even more years ago, I read the words of Khalil Gibran.

As we drove off, those words came flowing back to me. They resonated through me, soul to soul, enfolding me like a well seasoned shawl, affording great comfort & solace.

I am surprisingly happy & excited for Corey. It is time. His time.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What the bug?

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This magnificent indigenous creature totally mezmermized me. The carapace screamed ancient Greek pottery. I looked at it from this angle and that. In my zeal for the best photo possible, backed into a small Prickly Pear - a small portent of a much more sinister cactus encounter to come.

I spent the best part of an hour desperately pulling at the tiny little puff balls of spicky misery.

All the while, the bug continued to sit in the morning sun, looking so fine ...

Desert humor

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Sonoran Sunrise

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Guess who's back? Shady's back. Tell a friend.

The Crone Ranger is back from her annual Sonoran retreat.

Early morning hikes in the nearby Catalina foothills, afforded the most magnificent, iconic images of the west.

The wild west.

To witness the sun rising from behind a large boulder, silhouetting a proud Saguaro, noble & succulent in the morning dew.

Shadows shifting across the mountain peaks as the sun sneeks stealthily across the eastern sky.

I love it.

I love it in a way that makes me feel I have come home.

Amongst the boulders, between the narrows paths of slippery, dry pebbles & earth, even in the hysteria of a cactus encounter ... I just love it all.

Standing on an outcropping of rocks, each inhalation of waking air refills my spirit. Each blink of an eye reconnects me to the earth mother in me, so depleted throughout the year of life.

It's good to be alive!