Thursday, December 3, 2009

On this day in 2004 ...

December 3, 2004

This morning, I reached for a folder that Vic kept on the shelf above his desk. Every day is an adventure into Vic's domain - the filing cabinet - one file at a time.

A bright yellow piece of paper was on top. It was the original Living Will Moffitt Cancer Center required, signed by Vic exactly 5 years ago, today.

I was immediately ricocheted back in time, when we stood at the hospital. Confused but very hopeful.

It was early that grey December Tampa morning that the doctor spoke those chilling & ominous words that would ring in our heads for the following 4 years 11 months 1 week (who's counting?)

"95% of patients diagnosed with esophageal cancer have less than 5 years ... "

"Mortality of ... "

"Bla, bla, recurrance ... 2% survival ... bla, bla."

Like a bell clanger going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth ...

"95% ... 5 years ... mortality ... 2% ... reoccurance ... don't live ... "

And with the blink of an eye - it has become a memory.

It has all become a memory.

We chose to focus on the best parts.

It feels better to remember with a smile than a tear.

And as much as it hurts, it is better to feel ...

I still want to know why it is that we do our biggest growing from our most painful experiences?

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