December 3, 2004
This morning, I reached for a folder that Vic kept on the shelf above his desk. Every day is an adventure into Vic's domain - the filing cabinet - one file at a time.
A bright yellow piece of paper was on top. It was the original Living Will Moffitt Cancer Center required, signed by Vic exactly 5 years ago, today.
I was immediately ricocheted back in time, when we stood at the hospital. Confused but very hopeful.
It was early that grey December Tampa morning that the doctor spoke those chilling & ominous words that would ring in our heads for the following 4 years 11 months 1 week (who's counting?)
"95% of patients diagnosed with esophageal cancer have less than 5 years ... "
"Mortality of ... "
"Bla, bla, recurrance ... 2% survival ... bla, bla."
Like a bell clanger going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth ...
"95% ... 5 years ... mortality ... 2% ... reoccurance ... don't live ... "
And with the blink of an eye - it has become a memory.
It has all become a memory.
We chose to focus on the best parts.
It feels better to remember with a smile than a tear.
And as much as it hurts, it is better to feel ...
I still want to know why it is that we do our biggest growing from our most painful experiences?