Monday, October 31, 2011
So glad October is going bye-bye!
I am very glad it is Halloween.
It is not a holiday to which I hold particular attachment, safe some very demented memories of Vic & I dressed in black, hiding on a darkened door step in Ft.Lauderdale back in the day ...
The rest of the month of October is chock full of traumatic memories, beginning with the first of the month, the middle being both Vic & my grandmother's anniversaries 2 days apart, culmination with Halloween, 2009, the day after Vic's memorial service, which coincided with what would have been his 65th birthday.
"Don't think about the bad things" my Mother loving profers.
"Don't have a choice. Like having events recreating inside my head, except I have the awareness of the observer. I find myself deep inside the experiences of Vic's slow death, unable as I was at the time to feel it, helping him fight off grim reaper who, unbeknownst to us, was already lurking around the corner".
I wonder when all of this will end?
Does it end? Or does one just learn to adapt?
I am well beyond the stage of wishing Vic back to life. I quite accept what happened.
I think I am just still traumaticized by the denouement that is death & dying.
Vic's death & dying ...